You can’t make me do anything. I’m not obligated to be your friend, just as you are not obligated to be mine. I am not a toy that you can guilt and make feel bad. I’m not a statue, I am a woman and my life is perfectly fine without you

So it is Wednesday morning here in Au’straya and yesterday was pretty stunning. We went to the Great Barrier Reef and it was pretty magical. Although I did get sunburnt so I’m in a lot of pain rn lmao I’m a dumbass but whatever. Today we’re flying to Melbourne to stay for like 3 days and then Sydney for the rest of the trip. So yeah. Nothing that interesting here to write about

First day in Australia was magical. We literally trekked through the oldest rainforest on earth and then drove through the mountains in the clouds looking down at the steep cliffs that were covered in every type of tree u could imagine. There are so many colors, so much green, so many sounds, it’s pre-historic. We ate tropical fruits and Australian game and walked on the beach there were coconuts on the ground. I’ve never been anywhere like this.

talking to Katharine I realize that Dante feels entitled to something I can’t give him and I unfortunately, because of this reason, might need to just cut him off as a friend idk. Like it sucks but. idk. Katharine is going through basically the same thing with someone and it’s just frustrating and I can’t really deal with this kind of issue because I can’t deal with the bad vibes so. yep I guess that’s a thing. 

I also talked to Eli about it and showed him the conversation. he was like “you don’t deserve that” so like yeah

I’m going to miss Eli so much. He was. He was truly a gem of a person. Honestly just a beautiful human being. I’m kind of emotional about it????? like I guess that’s kind of dumb. I didn’t talk about him much on this blog (he is NOT the asshole I hooked up with lmao he is the other guy) but obviously he, Danielle, and Natalia were my closest friends and I’m going to miss them all. But Eli in particular I guess.

I wonder if I will ever see him again


            Women with woven baskets balanced on their heads filled with colorful fruits walked on the side of the road, gossiping most likely among each other. Rain hung in the air and coated the green around it with humid jungle dew. The trees stood still, the sun beating down on them, and appeared as elaborately geometrical temples carved by heaven. Birds and strange animals rested on the trees, singing down to the people below.

            Huts were scattered across either side of the narrow road and inside them were men drinking alcoholic juices made from strange fermented fruits, fishermen laying out seaweed, river frog, and spiced fish, and women sewing thickly woven skirts. On the near outskirts of the little village sun skinned children splashed in a small cold spring, slathering mud on their faces and arms and throwing rocks from the grass. The calls of small mammals echoed from high tops of towering canopy trees from where pretty berries fell. Sweet vanilla wafted through the air and patted the hut with its clinging scent.

            The Bay was only a mile away from the village, and was connected by a few small creeks and basic network of wooden bridges covered in leaves and bark. Bright colored lizards and other tiny reptiles scurried across the bridges and hid in their own huts in the plants of the jungle. Eventually, the flora began to thin out and the soil became lighter in color. A boulder stood in front of that small entrance. The Bay’s glassy water caressed the boulder and the sand, kissing each grain with little creatures under the blue surface. Far above stood, like gods in the sky, narrow green covered mountain rocks, towering from impossible heights. Waves gleamed below, at the shore; transparent. Frogs were swimming everywhere. They peaked out from under small rocks and swam to their content. The people who existed in this kingdom reigned not as people but as the wisest animals.

            The sun went down, and the Bay closed its eyes and rested for the night.

I definitely can feel myself romanticizing the notion of going to either the Arctic or Siberia for some serious forced concentration and meditation. Every, single, person who I have talked to about this has asked me: “why?” in a disapproving, disbelieving voice. I’ve never understood that.