Bye the kid I hooked up with turned out to be a total asshole.
In other news, Eli has amazing music taste and he listens to Oneohtrix as well as Dead can Dance, Huun-Huur Tu, Boards of Canada, etc. and he’s just a hilarious wonderful human being. I also made friends with a great Venezuelan gal and we were literally talking about the guy who I hooked up with all day in front of his face in Spanish. We went swing dancing today. I have…so much work to do tbh. We went to Brooklyn today and went to a huge record shop and then we went to the pier and looked at the city and it was stunning and beautiful and the air was hot and summery and the lights were mirror-like.

I honestly feel like my birthday this year was the day I actually, finally, and truly became Buddhist. Throughout the entire day I felt all anger for everyone and everything dissolve from me. I’m not mad or upset about Dante, Jake, Clarence, or my mom and the rest of the family. I feel nothing against anyone and I absolve myself from everything wrong I have ever done. I realize now that I have made so many mistakes and I’m going to make millions more. But something about my birthday was so spiritual for me, and I don’t care what anyone thinks about me anymore. I mean that with the most genuine and absolute sincerity. It is a journey that I want to take for myself and for others because I will not be punished for my anger, but by my anger. I have also decided to give up smoking marijuana, drinking alcohol, etc, idealistically forever (aside from maybe wine with a meal, but when I turn 21 and not before then.) Where I once used weed to gather a clear conscience and figure things out as well as relax, I now understand that I need to make creative, artistic, psychological, etc. discoveries on my own without the enhancement of drugs. Plus it is technically against the fifth precept of Buddhism to do drugs. So yeah.

"To understand everything is to forgive everything." -Buddha

So something horrible happened in Wilio’s family very recently and honestly like I’m just /sad/ for him because he really doesn’t deserve something like this to occur and I can tell he’s so sad about it, and it isn’t even a problem that can be fixed it’s just a helpless tragedy. Like my heart is breaking for him. I don’t even understand like somehow he is pulling through and handling it really well but I know that he is sad. I just.

From across the room I ask my roommate if she thinks she sufficiently records get life, her ideas, her moments events that are important to her etc. and if she thinks that such organization is integral in contextual growth, personally as well as with school, work, long term goals, etc.

She snores. She is sleeping