I guess something I realized lately is that someone is going to objectify you either sexually OR intellectually and either way is bad and in my opinion and in my mental state I can’t deal with someone intellectually objectifying me and that’s honestly probably why romance has never worked for me and why I have no interest in being romantic with anyone in the long run, at least for now. I’ve definitely had very quick and fleeting fantasies of sharing a life with someone and cuddling, kissing, being physically involved with another person while also being emotionally involved, but unfortunately for me those moments are so fleeting and I almost always go back to the mantra of not letting romance, other people, etc. distract me from the vision of what I want to accomplish within myself, that I will probably never fully understand the complexities within myself regarding romantic relationships. At this point in my life, and although I am young I’m honestly not even that young, (like I’m 17 years old and 100 years ago women who were my age would have already been married and with kids) it is seriously impossible to see me being able to harvest romantic love realistically. There is one person whom I am absolutely in love with but realistically, that romance will never flourish and it is so far out that I know that it will never develop into anything, ever, not in any parallel universe or any alternate reality and I’m fine with that. So it leaves me with a frustrating feeling that I’m missing out on something, but only when it is brought up to me and only when someone questions me about my romantic life. Outside of my interaction with other people regarding romantic life, I never feel like I’m really missing out on anything and although I really want to reproduce and have a daughter, I honestly have no intention, being able to foresee my life right now from the viewpoint of my 17 year old self, of marrying or having a lifelong partner. I simply want to find someone with good genetics, so someone who is intelligent, kind, and physically attractive, have sex with them, and be able to have and love a child. I honestly have no idea what that makes me, especially as someone who is not inexperienced romantically.